Fatherhood, ADHD, and Feeling Broken

I’ll be real…. I still don’t believe I have ADHD. My wife says it. My therapist says it. We’ve talked about it in marriage counseling. Everything points to it. The signs are all there. But something in me still doesn’t want to accept it.

It’s hard. Because when I mess up, when I forget things, when I get distracted, I get angry at myself. I tell myself I should be better. I should be stronger. And then I feel broken, like I’m letting my wife down, like I’m letting my daughter down.

I’ve even felt embarrassed in therapy. Sitting there doing exercises like EMDR, trying to work through things, while part of me is saying, Man, why can’t I just get it together?

But the truth is, whether I believe it or not, I’m struggling with it. I know I’m not lazy. I know I care. I love my family more than anything. But ADHD feels like this shadow I don’t want to name, even though it’s already in the room.

Some days I get it right. Other days I don’t. And on the bad days, it’s easy to feel like I’m broken. But deep down, I know I’m not. I’m a dad, I’m a husband, and I’m learning.

I may not fully believe the ADHD label yet. But I do believe this: my family needs me to keep showing up. Even in the mess. Even when I don’t feel enough. Even when I’m embarrassed.

That’s what I’m trying to do. One day at a time.